


Harry Bloody Potter And The Awkward Teaparty

by TheFifthBiscuit



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Except to Hermione, F/F, Femslash, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Luna gives zero fucks, Morning Sex, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 20:15:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9920633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFifthBiscuit/pseuds/TheFifthBiscuit
Summary: A perfect lazy morning gets thoroughly derailed. A short bit of fluffy humour.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't generally write sex scenes, but the jokes called for it this time around. Plus I wrote this about six months ago for an anonymous competition, and I was trying to throw people off the scent. :p I wasn't going to post it, but there's little enough femslash in the world, so here is my very very small contribution.

As sunrise barged its way uninvited into Hermione's bedroom, shining in her eyes and waking her to what would no doubt be a pounding hangover, she was momentarily surprised to find a head of wavy blonde hair nestled on the pillow next to her. She pushed herself up on her elbows and let her eyes trail down the pale, slender arm that was casually flung over her stomach until they rested on the bracelet made of seashells threaded onto a shoelace that sat on her bedmate’s elegant wrist.

She gasped as the taste of strawberry wine and sweat-slicked skin came flooding back to her unbidden, the ghosts of those slender fingers tracing her curves for a moment and the memory of a kiss on her lips. Woken by the noise, Luna Lovegood opened her eyes and smiled.

“Good morning.” she whispered and Hermione was awed by the sleepy, contented look in her eyes. She couldn’t believe that this ethereal girl was here in her bed, that they’d spent the night together. She had always thought that she may as well fall in love with the moon as fancy Luna Lovegood and yet here they were. She was almost afraid to speak, to disturb this moment and find it abruptly over.

“Hey,” she whispered and Luna grinned.

“How’s your head?” she asked and Hermione sighed, worried that everything that had happened between them was about to be swept away under the carpet, a drunken mistake.

“Not wonderful,” she said, mouth dry from more than dehydration. “How are you?”

Luna leant in close suddenly to capture her lips in a slow, deliberate kiss, tongues meeting in a brief flirtation before she pulled away to rest her forehead against Hermione’s.

“I,” she said, “Am so wonderful.” and with that she kissed her again, tasting and savouring. Her hand trailed over Hermione’s waist and she nipped her bottom lip before moving on to kiss her chin, her jaw, her neck. Hermione gasped as Luna pushed herself up to lean over her, one arm supporting herself as another crept up to play with her breast, before teasing and twisting the nipple. Her hands trailed through Luna’s hair and down her back as Luna kissed her way down her collarbone before taking her nipple into her mouth, the hand that had been on her breast taking their time gliding down over her hip and buttocks, tracing the outside of her thighs before her fingertips made their agonising way up the inside of her leg. Hermione was arching her hips, almost begging to finally be touched down in the wet warm centre of her and she groaned as Luna’s fingers grazed her clit before disappearing inside of her.

 

  
*****************

 

She was so bloody close, gasping and writhing under Luna’s ministrations, kissing her with reckless hunger, grinding herself down into her hand as the girl caressed her with -god she didn’t even know how many fingers any more- while her thumb toyed with her clit. Luna was panting and moaning too, sex-glazed eyes that were once so far away now focused on her, everything that had been so out of reach so touchable now. She was so. Fucking. Close.

Then, she heard the distinct sound of Harry Potter clearing his throat.

Hermione sat bolt upright in complete horror, Luna sliding her fingers out of her and sitting up with much more reluctance. The other girl merely smiled at the two boys, raising a hand to them in a casual wave. Ron and Harry stood on the hearth, both bright pink. Harry at least had the decency to avert his eyes, but the expression of mingled shock, embarrassment, and gratitude to whatever divine providence had brought him there at that very moment that was evident on her ex-boyfriend’s face was just too much.

“Godric bloody Gryffindor Ronald, Owl first, then floo!” Hermione cried, leaping out of bed to fling her dressing gown on, cursing herself for ever renting a house with a fireplace in the bedroom of all places. It was a silly muggleborn oversight, and one she would be sure to remedy. She had never been so embarrassed.

Now covered in the big fluffy garment, she shooed Harry and Ron out and downstairs into the kitchen so Luna could dress. Ron seemed to be having trouble finding words, but Harry simply hid a small smile behind the glass of water she got him as she dropped two alka seltzer into her own and tried to muster some semblance of calm back into her mind and body.

“Well, that was a surprise.” Harry said. Ron probably thought he was being subtle mouthing the word ‘Surprise?!’ at him when he thought Hermione wasn’t looking. She blushed.

“It’s um, sort of a surprise to me too actually.” she said. “Not the… the woman part, I mean, I know we haven’t really talked about it but since Ron and I broke up I’ve… But, Luna- This is very new, ok? As in we went out with Ginny, and there was a lot of wine, and then this morning she was just there. So don’t-” don’t be Ron about it she thought fervently. “I really like her.”

“Oh good, I like you too.” Luna chimed, appearing in the doorway. She beamed at Hermione and made her way over to the kettle to begin making a cup of tea, completely unconcerned at being as naked as the day she was born.

“Can I get you a cuppa, Harry? Ron?”

“Er, yes please. Ron will have one too.”

Harry took it pretty much in stride, besides a few appreciative looks as she reached over for the sugar bowl. Hermione couldn't blame him, the sight of those perfect breasts as she leaned held her own gaze too, thinking on how they had felt in her hands; supple and perfectly sized, and the hardened little nub of her nipple under her thumb, the sigh she had let out… God damn Harry Potter and his absolutely terrible timing. Never mind making him tea, she wanted to throw the bloody saucer at him!

Ron was having a harder time than Harry adjusting to Luna’s completely unabashed presence. When the fey girl smiled at him and asked if he wanted one lump or two he could only let out a little whimper, face the colour of a pygmy puff. He managed a ‘thanks’ as he was handed his mug though, and finally managed to choke out a few words.

“You could er… get dressed. If you wanted.” he implored weakly, but Luna only smiled at him, eyes wide and innocent, as she joined Harry at the kitchen table.

“But we’re not the ones who interrupted, Ronald.” she said dreamily, and Hermione knew her well enough now to recognise the edge of absolute mischief that crept into her smile even though her tone remained completely serious. “Maybe you two should get undressed.”

The two men choked on their tea and Hermione nearly spilt her alka seltzer chuckling at their expressions. Luna, however, had just caught sight of the clock and she stood abruptly.

“Bugger,” she said, and the three of them blinked to hear her swear so abruptly. She crossed over to Hermione and stroked a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry Her, I’ve got to get to work, but we’ll pick up where we left off, okay?” she leaned in, pressing Hermione up against the counter to give her the snogging of her life, before waving to Ron and Harry and leaving the room, leaving Hermione dazed and breathless as she stared after her.

Without the distraction of Luna’s body, Ron finally seemed to be able to process the last ten minutes and stopped his staring. Hermione braced herself for the inevitable shitstorm of questions that were bound to come now they were alone. About her sexuality, about last night, maybe even another bloody argument about their failed relationship. She loved Ron, truly, but he could be an absolute idiot and she was sure this was going to be one of those times.

“Luna Lovegood. She shagged Luna fucking Lovegood.” he said to Harry, and they exchanged a look of frank appreciation. “Well _done_.” he said, raising his mug to her in toast.

Well, butter her bum and call her a biscuit.


End file.
